1. Didst thou move to Holland to avoid being drafted into the Irish army? 

haha, you fagmaster. I was due to be drafted into the Irish army, they were going to let me have a go at flying the biplane they have but in the end I couldnt take that sort of hi tech sophisticated rush so I ran off to the lowlands and lay low for a while. Half the irish army have been putting in claims for deafness caused by the loud harsh trumpeting of the army band...I think we should attack iraq, a trumpet into the head for saddam. 

2. I mourn the death of thy bardic voice, for on the new album thou art gruff and harsh. Was this change due to hecklers who wounded thee with spitballs when once thou crooned? 

haha, I have to admit I hadnt really thought about it, I wanted to find this other voice to add something else. A kind of really raw throaty yet still melodic style. I think it adds something else personally but there will be more of the older more melodic as you say bardic vocals on the next release. It is still there in parts though ?. Id been singing in a covers band doing wasp, accept, dio, priest, maiden and old 80's metal and this was the hardest thing I've had to do and it helped I think me find another level to my voice. That voice actually is a mutated style of my blackie lawless imitation, which I might add is utterly pointless as there's only one blackie ! all Hail God of vocalists. 

3. Why is Ireland called the "Emerald Isle' when new Zealand's greenery is far more impressive? 

how do you know fatboy ?, have you been to either ?, or are you just comparing Braveheart to Lord of the Rings ?, although New Zealand is bigger which might help ?. Then again we were probably called the Emerald isle when they were still running around in grass skirts. 

4. Didst thou get into trouble with Hammerheart for the last interview we have done? Is that really the reason why thou art in Holland, so they can keep thee on a tight leash? 

haha, I dont think the old hammerheart usa were very impressed to be honest, although its not like they organised me any more then 1 interview in the states. However there is a new regime there and things seem to be running better. I was actually living with the guys from Destroyer 666 for a while, Im back in Ireland now, I have been since last May !. Actually Guido was pimping me out on the mean streets of maastricht. 

5. Are the women in Holland truly as virtuous and beautiful as the stories tell? 

There are indeed a lot of very good looking women in Holland that is true, however things are quite different there. Going to the pub seems to be for 16 year olds, people socialise at home a lot, everyone over 20 seems to have a boyfriend and to be politcally incorrect (lets...) its almost harder to pull there as the people are surrounded by sex all the time, their attitude to it is quite perfunctory. Also between about 3 am sunday morning and 8pm friday night nothing happens...nothing...no one does anything during the week and trying to organise the dutch or get them to do anything spontaneous or outrageous is almost impossible. Its a very relaxed and safe society. I missed the chaos and insanity and energy of Irish life and Irish people. Hence Im back... 
although the women were nice haha !. 

6. Is Sesame Street shown in Ireland? I wonder if the muppets' voices are left intact, which would make sense because Irish children understand English, or do the muppets have Irish accents? 

actually funny you should mention this but I was watching the muppets the other day dubbed in Irish, which was very strange. Actually fuck this question as I have something far more important to tell you all, yesterday my mate went to college for a lecture about the 80's and the person giving the lecture was Face from the A team !...and later on an 80's dj night with Face on the decks...fuck was I impressed, and he even came on to her friend. seeing Face dance to "You spin me round" might have been a life changing moment. Haha...Pity the Fool. 

7. Let us now pause to offer a moment of respect to King Diamond. OK, the moment has passed. Wouldst thou like to share thy thoughts of respect and admiration for the King? 

actually I didnt get the whole abigail II thing at all, did you like it ?, I cant get into anything passed Conspiracy ?, Mercyful Fate however still has kept a high standard and I have to say that we just came back from a tour with Rotting Christ and Enthroned and we played Dont Break the Oath to death holy fuck....now that is one of the greatest albums of all time. 

8. Art thou the one who likened Lord Ahriman to a great white shark? 

hehe...I've seen some guy called Noseferatu in your mag before, mate you got nothing on the Lord. Have you heard the story about Ahriman shaggin the blow up doll balls naked in the vip bar area at wacken on the ground about 3 years ago...haha that was fuckin funny, hes a fuckin legend. Hail to the Lord...Fast as a shark. 

9. I read "Nausea" at thy behest, and I wondered what drew thee so much to Sartre. Do tell. 

actually I was seeing a french girl for a while and she introduced me to all those league of miserable bastard french writers, Sartre was the one that spoke to me most along with Celine, Louis Ferdinand Celine, if you can find "Journey to the end of the night" get it, its a hard read but worth it. I dont know I guess I kinda like the french for all their whinging and whining !, hehe. Im not really into the typical swords and sorcery black metal reading to be honest. 

10. We had talked of religion destroying America and how religion no longer plays a part in European politics. Here, the fundamentalists have won and have impeded the research of stem cells, and now I read about the results of stem cell research in other countries. In India, scientists have cured some forms of blindness. In another experiment, all the diabetic mice were cured!!! I am not one to believe conspiracy theories, even though some are quite juicy, but I wonder if pharmaceutical companies are fueling the religions objections to this research, for if diabetes were to be cured, enormous wealth would be lost. Think about it - an average diabetic spends about $40 a month on insulin, and another $50 a month on blood-testing strips. And there are other costs. Multiply this by the millions who suffer and would be cured. Tell me thy thoughts. 

totally, I totally agree, nothing and I mean nothing would surprise me anymore you know, further developments in the field of curing diseases would of course lead to a huge drop in profits for pharmaceutical companies. Just like who will the arms companies in the Us sell arms to if they rid the world of terrorists on their little crusade ?, the whole world is rotten to the core. It is in the multinationals interest for the majority of the world to be poor for us to be sick and dependant, the first church of pharmacy huh ?. Sickness is a new religion. Just like drugs...or was that always the religion ?, how else could we think up something as ridiculous as the bible ? 
Where does it end ?, did the space shuttle blow up to detract the american public from the impending war in iraq and stir up patriotic sentiment ?. 

11. Dost thou think that pro-life fundamentalists see only the embryo as being a cute little potential-baby and ignore what the embryo would become if allowed to live in a broken home, born to white trash or niggers? After all, most women who get abortions are highly intelligent, not the gullible swine who give in to the arguments of religious charlatans. The same fundamentalist would cry for the death penalty when that embryo commits a capital offense. 

Interesting argument and not the argument that most people who view themselves as moral want to hear, of course I see the point completely, some people are not fit to rare children and we are not all equal. We are just labouring under these moral misapprehensions. usually with pro life people I like to tell them that I support abortion if only on the off chance they turn into an incorrigable bigot like you. My opinions on abortion really depend on the situation, neither of the black and white arguments assuage me...but I like ribbing xtians. 
I'm kinda odd like that. 

12. Is it true that the ambience of the new album was attained by secretly recording Guido whenever he was crapping and then processing the audio into the intoxicating sound waves that lurk beneath the music? 

nope... 
although the shit we had to go through to record it was partially of guido's making hehe, so in a sense you could say that indeed. 
although his bathroom is quite nice I must admit and I indeed have also crapped there. 

13. Didst thou know that the nose is like a vagina and it can accommodate objects up to the size of a baby if they needed to pass through? 

again no, pass through to where ?. whats your point ?. although I have a friend who talks far too much about nasal sex. did you know that many scandinavians cant pronounce "V" so they say Wagina ?...and collect Wenom Winyls ?. 

14. Hast thou ever made pee pee in a swimming pool? 

I must have, every young boy must have done this ?, does 25 years old count as a young boy, would be cool to lay a nice trout in a pool and casually slip out and leave it to surprise all those nice young women in their tight bathing outfits... actually I cant swim !.